The last 15 weeks have been pretty significant to my life in so many ways. Obviously coaching soccer at the college level is something I only dreamed of doing, but this past spring it was a made a reality when my name was given to the head coach at Utah State, I went up for an interview and was offered the position to come on staff as a graduate assistant. Though the decision was a no-brainer, it was hard to leave behind my U11 team, my U15 team, my high school girls team, and my colleagues and students at Lone Peak High School. I cried all the time, and it was hard to find people who were extremely excited that I was leaving the Salt Lake area to take part in this opportunity…which is a compliment because there was some sadness that I would be leaving while those people also supported me. But it was hard to see people sad by me leaving too :(
Earning a Master’s degree is something I’ve been trying to start for years, and that too was made a reality this past spring through this opportunity to be a graduate assistant at Utah State. I know if my dad were alive today, he would be thrilled with the direction I am going, I have no doubt about that….and I have no doubts that the direction I have taken my life is the right one. Regardless of what happens in the long run, coming to Logan is right, staying in Logan for another year is right. I have no idea what the future holds, and that is somewhat scary for me. Will I be able to stay on at USU? Will I have to go job searching? Will I be unemployed because of how bad the economy is? Will I find a coaching job at another university? Though the unknown is scary, it is also exciting…I can really do anything and go anywhere!
I had the opportunity to watch and learn from two people, Heather and Josh, whom I have only known for a few months, yet I am in awe by their professionalism, their integrity, their patience, and their ability to prioritize what to stress over and things that they can take care of, let go and keep moving forward....and let's not forget their knowledge of the game of soccer! I came in thinking that as a graduate assistant on a college coaching staff, I would be the glorified cone mover, the person who did all the grunt work, and I had no idea how I would be treated….but I was ready for anything. Heather and Josh treated me as an equal, as their colleague and I am so grateful for the opportunity to work with them and that I have one more year to learn from them. I loved working with the girls at this level. Though my rapport with them was not as strong as I had with my students and athletes at LPHS and Salt Lake, I still loved being out there with them, learning from them, and doing what I could to help them be better.
Though I was sad to leave the teams I was coaching, students I was teaching, and people I worked with, I had also been caught in a situation that was emotionally and spiritually damaging through my own choice of not turning away from it when it was time, which in turn I put myself in a position to be effected by the choices of another. I couldn’t seem to get away from it, no matter what I did, the people involved were always around me and around my areas of work. I have gone through a process of learning about forgiveness….forgiving others, letting go of anger and hatred from feelings of betrayal, and wishing the best for people who have hurt me, and being reminded that I am required to forgive as the Savior would, and that when Heavenly Father and the Savior forgive the truly repentant, those people start off with a clean slate. I also am learning to forgive myself….I didn’t handle the situation all too well at times which may have hurt it even more. There were other ways I could’ve stood up for myself, and stood up for what is right, and I have finally come to a point where I have been able to let it go, learn from it and start moving on. Logan has been my chance to start over...my new beginning.
Through this opportunity, I have started to relearn about trust….and it is going to be a long road. There are people I have put my trust in up here, and so far, I have not regretted it. But most importantly, I have become stronger in practicing putting my trust in an all-knowing, loving and very aware Father in Heaven. He knows what is best for me, He is there when I need Him, and as I do all I can do, He will do the rest....sometimes it is not quite what I was hoping for, but I know it is for the best and I am willing to take the help He gives me and run with it! I am relearning what my definition of friendship is…things I usually do for my friends, I find myself scared to do so because someone will take my actions or intentions the wrong way, or I will be taken advantage of again….it really is a scary road. But thankfully, there are people who have helped me relearn this and they are people who have been with me since the day I met them…..to name a few: Nicole Bennett, Kristine Burge, Donna Ure, Bishop Walkenhorst, Alexis McMurdie, Becky Roesler, Heather and Josh (yes, the two coaches I work with), Tammy Tingey, my cousin Karen Young, Debbie Wahlin, and Lisa Williams (and many others not mentioned here)....and of course, how could I forget my family, especially my brother Kevin, who calls me once or twice a week to see how I’m doing, makes time to spend with me when I come to Salt Lake when he could be spending time with his wife and his family, who he doesn't get to see often because of his hours at the hospital. He has given me great insights and shown me a ton of support….I am so blessed!
There is no doubt that I have grown spiritually in such a short time. I have recognized Heavenly Father’s hand in my life, I have experienced the peace and comfort that comes through applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my life, I have taken advantage of attending an institute class which has given me several reminders about why the beliefs I have been raised with are so important and why I do truly believe in them! I have experienced the peace and comfort that comes through attending the temple, as well as strength and peace that comes through meaningful prayer, through studying the scriptures, through serving others, through listening and learning from apostles and prophets…when I start to get apathetic in my spirituality, I remind myself of how blessed I am, and that I love my Father in Heaven and have committed to serve Him…and being apathetic is not an option! I have had the time on buses, planes, etc to listen to General Conference in its entirety, and to listen to many other firesides and devotionals on various Gospel topics and I am working to apply the things I have learned or felt impressed to do to my life. I have also had the opportunity to attend Sacrament meetings in Texas, Washington, Idaho, and Hawaii over the last three months. I loved hearing the testimonies of the other Latter-Day Saints in those areas and was truly strengthened by still being able to take the Sacrament every Sunday while being in a job that can easily give me an excuse not to participate in that sacred ordinance. I think appreciating that opportunity and working with someone who is not LDS, but respected those of us who are enough to make it possible for me and the players who wanted to attend the Sacrament services, to be able to do so has helped me, once again, to recognize how blessed I am! Our head coach, and when needed, the assistant coach, rearranged travel agendas, as well as their own sleep and morning schedules so that the girls on the team who wished to attend church could do so...my job was to find a Sacrament service for us to go to...not many coaches are willing to do that for their players.
I just feel so grateful and so blessed….words just don’t do this justice….but I had to somehow express my gratitude for this opportunity and the blessings that have come with it.
Today was so much fun! Mom and I went on a walking food tour of Greenwich Village...so basically, you learn about the history and architecture of the area...and you get to eat! It was just fun to see the REAL NYC how it was hundreds of years ago. We came back to the hotel and we were exhausted, so we took a nap, then went and walked along 5th Ave to see the window displays and Christmas decorations! But first....we played the BIG piano at FAO Schwarz!!! If you have seen the movie BIG, then you know exactly what I am talking about! The window displays were pretty amazing, especially at Saks Fifth Avenue and Bergendorf (I think that's what it's called). We also stopped at St. Patrick's Cathedral which is a beautiful Roman Catholic cathedral on 5th Ave, then we finished off the evening at Rockafeller Center. It was a really fun touristy day!!! Tomorrow is Statue of Liberty (which literally takes an entire day!) and the Nutcracker Ballet!
